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Love to Express.

I used to think I was tough, but then I realized I wasn’t. I was fragile and I wore thick fucking armor. And I hurt people so they couldn’t hurt me. And I thought that was what being tough was, but it isn’t.
Until you get comfortable with being alone, you’ll never know if you’re choosing someone out of love or loneliness.
Some people are old at 18 and some are young at 90. Time is a concept that humans created.
There’s nothing harder than letting someone go whom you thought would be here forever.

It took her a long time to finally erase you from her system. She went through several months of feeling the pain repeatedly — because of that happy couple who passed by; because she remembered you when she saw that large teddy bear at the gift shop; because your theme song suddenly played on the radio; because a stranger mentioned your name; because she sniffed your perfume, your familiar scent; because she dreamt you were coming back. For consecutive weeks, she struggled between the dilemma of wanting to move on from you and hoping against all odds that you’d come back.

However, she chose to be better. She told herself that if you really want to come back to her, you would’ve already done that a long time ago. But you didn’t.

She took a step away from you, away from all the memories. She braced herself for all the moments when that overwhelming hope would light up within her again. She vowed to stay strong and conquer the difficulty of losing you.

Eventually, she succeeded. She forgot about the pain, she’s no longer in love. Thinking of the past doesn’t hurt her anymore. Those things that used to remind her of you can’t even touch her now. You meant nothing to her now.

And right when she is already fine and doing a lot better than before, you decided to gain her back. You want to come back into her life like you never left, like nothing happened. How could you do that? How could you come back after everything that you’ve caused her? How could you smile at her and ask her for another chance when eons ago, she has begged you to stay, to come back? How could you claim that you love her now, when you have not even listened to her pleas before? How could you promise her that you wouldn’t hurt her now, when you’ve done a great job causing her pain back then? How could you come back to mend her now that she’s already fixed herself, when it’s you who broke her in the first place?

It’s not just about sex. Don’t get me wrong. Sex is fucking great, but when you have a connection with someone, when you feel so strong for someone, just a kiss is enough to make your knees weak. You just can’t beat that.
I am hopelessly in love with a memory.
An echo from another time, another place.
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